Hearts Blood.

Yes I know this is commonly associated with bad things. It's totally not true. The whole point ot the heart is to pump the blood through the body. This is the heart's proper function. Just so it pumps life though our relationships. Cut the flow off and it withers and dies. I have spent quite a few years witnessing the tragic directions people take with their romances. Watching from the sidelines because I had nothing but a few observations with no real basis other than my role as an observer in one of life's most exciting games.
Deimos credits me with the brilliant Idea, and if you don't know who he is already he is the first follower this blog got, you can see his veiwpoint on his own blog Days of Deimos, I have to give the nod to ftMichael whose journal made me think of doing this sort of chronicle. Otherwise I would simply have tried out my ideas. So before I get into our relationship, with which I am exceedingly thrilled and excited. let me state that from what I have seen the beginning is as much choice as luck. For my part I was open to and welcoming of anyone who wished to avail themselves of whatever I could offer them. A choice I made consciously, a decision to welcome all who might be interested in getting to know me. So, having arrived in the same place as Deimos. I saw him, was attracted and spoke to him, as I had done with others in that place. We had what is called Chemistry, we talked, found many things in common, and became friends. I admit I fell pretty hard for what I imagined him to be, but my imaginings were based as much on what he said of himself as on any image I had of him. Oh yes there was a deffinite image I had of him. Kisses Deimos. I flirted outrageously, and continued behaving like my semi wanton self, and he found something appealing therein. Given the things I'd been thinking, quotes from various sources, I about fell out of my chair when he said the words that turned my world upside down, rightside up, and sent me on this ride of a lifetime. As of this moment deimos and I have been together for about a week. we have talked, laughed, and yes, Loved. Yesterday was the first real test of my convictions. I believe that it is important to remain true to the person you were when your love fell for you. Deimos had said he would not be jealous, or more accurately would keep it in check if I continued as I had been with my other loves, and yes I love easily and often, though never lightly. Deimos had a really bad reaction however when I asked him about offering my love to another girl. Something I never expected would happen did then. I liked him being jealous. It makes him uncomfortable to find this in himself, and it goes against what I have believed of myself to this point to allow it, but...
We have to make allowances to keep love alive. If we truly love someone else we have to give them a chance. Deimos and I are talking about the problem, we have come to a compromise. He'll let me help him deal with and learn to control his jealousy and I will limit the number of times I bring it to the surface. I try to provide some warning if I know I am going to, and he tells me if I have done so without warning him first. At first he said he was ok with it, but his silence and the grinding of his teeth suggested I might want to double check. I am smiling as I write this. When I inquired if he was sure, he had rethought his position, and was most wroth with himself on account of not being able to keep his promise. I have spent much of the last day reassuring him that what he feels is normal, even ok to an extent as long as we are both comfortable with it. He is not, so we will work on it and see how things go. As of this morning however we are more deeply in love than ever and planning on as open and honest a relationship as is possible. With ourselves as well as each other. That is in my opinion an important element. You can't be true to your partner if you don't know who you are. We can't be honest with each other if we don't honestly evaluate our feelings and talk with each other while we are still deeply in love. I have felt myself at times becoming uncomfortable with the closeness, the madness that drives me into his arms. I love him wildly and am unaccustomed to being so out of control. I have to stop trying to back up and regain my control and let his love sweep me away. It does. Every time I let go it sweeps me into a place of purest joy. If I want this, and I do, I have to not let my fear of being out of control rule me. I talk with Deimos, laugh with him and love him unreservedly. Heartache may come but I will do my utmost to ensure it doesn't. Hugs and Kisses Deimos, You are my inspiration, and joy.